April 24, 2003

One week left! This time next week, I will have taken my last college course of my undergraduate career. It’s a strange feeling, knowing that I’m almost done. I’m not complaining or anything, don’t get me wrong, it’s just not a feeling that I’m used to. Even now, as I eagerly await the freedom that comes with graduation and commencement, I wish I had more time. No, I’m not wishing for more school; as far as that is concerned May 18th couldn’t come soon enough! It’s just that I’ve tried so hard over these past few years to forge relationships with some pretty amazing people and I feel as though I haven’t been as successful as I had hoped.

It’s interesting how we (people in general) wait until the last minute to really appreciate the friends that we’ve made. It’s only when our time is nearly up at a place that we realize just what we’ve had. I’m certainly including myself in this too. At any new beginning I am often so reluctant to open up, so nervous about whether or not those I want to be with want to be with me too, so unsure about who it is that I am supposed to be. In many ways, I feel that college has been just one big beginning. I’ve said before how I always feel that I hold more stock in my friendships than others do and perhaps that has contributed to this feeling I have. What I mean is, by others being distant with me, I either return to that reluctance or I never leave it in the first place; it’s hard to tell which. There are those who I can talk to about anything, those I can be myself with no matter what, those who really know me and I them. Unfortunately, I can count those people on one hand. There are so many others that fill in the other category: those who are perhaps better seen as friends rather than Friends – I’ll let you make your own distinction between the two, I think it’s pretty obvious what I mean. In any case, I regret not making more out of my time here as far as my friendships go. (I know there are a lot of holes in this story, there is a lot that is either difficult to express or I just don’t want to get too depressing. I guess I partly just wanted you to think along with me – for yourself – and see how true this may be for your life. I don’t know…)

On to happier topics! I didn’t post it in my last journal but I got a job! The question of “what comes next?” now has an answer. I will be back in Central New York working for Moore Multimedia, Inc. I will be doing a number of things from office management, videography, graphic design, live media production, as well as moving into some computer animation – and pretty much whatever else needs to be done. It’s an exciting time!

Well, I can’t think of anything else to write and there are many other things that I need to worry about at this juncture so I’ll leave it with that. I probably won’t be able to write much more before graduation, but I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, please come back after May 18th sometime and I’ll hopefully have some graduation pictures up!

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