March 16, 2004

Not really sure what to say this time…yet I’m plagued with the desire, no, the need to write. Nothing momentous, nothing outstanding, nothing even all that good is happening in my life at the moment. Now, don’t get me wrong, work has been going continuously well and we keep doing great work for great people and I’m really enjoying myself. Outside of work General Conference, CCYM, and church obligations keep me out of too much trouble, too.

But there seems to be something missing…

I’m not sure what that “something” is, really, but I know there’s something that doesn’t seem quite right or complete in my life. It feels like I’m always busy and whenever I get the chance to slow down all I feel like doing is crashing on the couch, watching a good movie, and sleeping in – if I get the chance to slow down. Now, at this point in my life – out of college, on my own, single, working – I can afford to be always on the go and always doing something. But I do need that time of retreat, that time of disconnectedness, that time to reclaim myself in the midst of it all.

But it’s a strange dichotomy in which I live. On the one hand I need the me time to refresh and renew my spirits. But on the other, there’s that something else that’s missing and the need to be connected with others. Maybe that’s what’s missing: the feeling of being connected outside of my normal work and church relationships that, often, aren’t all that fulfilling – in a more casual/social sense of the word.

I’ve not been writing in my personal journal lately either. I don’t know why, but I haven’t. I was talking to a friend of mine awhile ago and she was noticing how, in her life, the times when writing doesn’t come easily are often the times when writing is the most necessary. That’s certainly the truth! So, during this time when writing hasn’t been coming quite as easily, I’ll try all the more to keep it up. We’ll see how it goes…

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