Not Quite Christmas

I know it’s only December 4th but I’m not quite in the holiday mood yet. I’m not sure why but over the past few years a trend has developed where I haven’t gotten all that excited. I’m not a scrooge about it or anything, I just haven’t felt as moved by the season.

I remember when I was a kid how anxious I would be for Thanksgiving’s approach – partly for the food – because it meant that Christmas would be coming, then New Year’s, and then my birthday all within a 10 day period. Now that they are each less than a month away I find myself, in part, somewhat indifferent.

Don’t get me wrong, I always have a nice time with my family and there’s nothing that compares with my mom’s cinamon rolls. But for the past 2-3 years or so I haven’t been enveloped by the holiday spirit as much as I would like. Maybe it’s just a part of getting older and losing some of that child-like innocence. Maybe it’s been a busier fall than usual and I missed out on some of the environmental cues that help to establish the season. Maybe it’s early yet. I’m not sure.

It was nice to put my tree up last week and to see all the white lights sparkle in the dark providing the only illumination for my apartment. Though I hate driving in it, I like the snow and the cold: the way the snow blankets everything and the way the cold gives me an excuse to bundle up and be cozy.

I don’t want to turn this into another “woe is me” post but I’m sure some of the same things are playing into my emotions this time of year. Yes, I’ve had a great couple of weeks spent with my family and I’ve spent an uncharacteristic amount of time with friends. But this time of year makes me feel a little lonely too. I don’t know if it’s the commercials featuring happy couples making each other even happier – as though all it would take is a nice necklace, a seat by the fire, and a new car with a bow – but I feel a little left out.

I’m planning on spending this Christmas with my parents. We’ll have our traditions and our afternoon of napping and watching our new movies in our pajamas and it will be nice. New Year’s is up in the air – my family and I usually spend it playing games. And who knows how I will mark my first quarter-century to make it more special than any other Wednesday.

I just hope that as these next three weeks march on I begin to feel it return a little more each day.

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