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March 21, 2005

March 21, 2005 in Personal

I don’t know what words are best or if there are even words yet available to me with which to describe, not only my trip, but who I am now that I am almost home. You see, even though I may not know how quite yet, I know that I am different now. I know this, because I don’t feel like I did before I left. I know that part of it is my exhaustion from being constantly on the go all week but there’s something else too. I’ve been mentioning often how I feel this calm that, if ever, has been long away from me. I think that for the first time in quite some time I have a good idea of who I am and I feel good about myself. I’ve known parts of myself for a long time but the solitude, not loneliness, but solitude I’ve had by traveling alone and spending so much time in my own head and heart this week I’ve become further acquainted with myself. And it feels good.

For all I’ve been able to see and feel – all the history and all the growth within myself – I am eternally grateful. I’m glad I came.

June 8, 2004

June 8, 2004 in Personal

t’s another one of those times… Work and life have been keeping me quite busy these past months and I haven’t found rest. Sure I’ve gotten enough sleep, most of the time, but I can’t seem to get enough rest.

I was thinking about this a few weeks ago and came to an interesting observation. Many people have friends and loved ones that they go home to at the end of the day and on weekends to help take their minds off of the stresses and exhaustion of work. They have people to vent with, people to distract them from the busy-ness, people to live life with. It is when one has these kinds of people that they can find true rest. As for me, even though I have a wonderful family, it’s hard to separate our working relationship out from it sometimes. So it’s difficult to find much rest with them. But it does happen from time to time, like just yesterday I was helping to build a new front porch on my parents’ house or when I have the chance to just sit and chat with my mom.

But most days, as I’ve said before, I end up heading home at the end of the day to my spot on the couch where I certainly will be able to rest from my day’s labors but where I will rarely find myself rejuvenated and renewed.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but sometimes it’s a good enough start to simply pose the question of “what do I do?”

“Whatever is good and right will come…”